Rekindling the Spark: How Couples Therapy Can Revitalise Your Relationship

Sarah and Tom stormed into their house after yet another heated argument in the car on the way home. This scene had become all too familiar for the couple, who found themselves bickering over everything from household chores to financial decisions. As they sat in silence, both wondering how they'd reached this point, Sarah hesitantly suggested they seek professional help.

Couples therapy is a good option for partners looking to improve their relationship. One of the most well-known and effective methods in this field is the Gottman approach, developed by Drs John and Julie Gottman after decades of research on marital stability and divorce prediction.

The Gottman approach is based on the idea that small, positive changes in a relationship can lead to significant improvements over time. It focuses on several key areas:

1. Building Love Maps: This involves developing a deep understanding of your partner's inner world, including their hopes, dreams, and fears.

2. Sharing Fondness and Admiration: Couples are encouraged to express appreciation and respect for each other regularly.

3. Turning Towards Instead of Away: This concept emphasises the importance of responding positively to your partner's bids for attention and connection.

4. The Positive Perspective: Learning to view your partner and your relationship in a positive light, even during conflicts.

5. Managing Conflict: The Gottman approach doesn't aim to eliminate conflict but teaches couples how to manage disagreements effectively.

6. Making Life Dreams Come True: Supporting each other's goals and aspirations is crucial for a fulfilling relationship.

7. Creating Shared Meaning: Developing a shared sense of purpose and values within the relationship.

One of the unique aspects of the Gottman method is its emphasis on scientific research. The approach is based on extensive studies of thousands of couples over several decades, giving it a solid empirical foundation. The initial treatment phase involves both partners completing evidence-based assessments, which provide valuable insights to guide the therapeutic focus.

After the assessment sessions, couples undergoing Gottman therapy typically participate in a series of sessions where they learn and practice these principles under the guidance of a trained therapist. The goal is not just to resolve current conflicts but to build a stronger, more resilient relationship for the future.

Six months after starting Gottman-based couples therapy, Sarah and Tom found themselves in a very different place. As they sat on their porch, enjoying a quiet evening together, Tom reached out and squeezed Sarah's hand. "Remember when we used to argue about everything?" he asked with a smile. Sarah nodded, "It's amazing how much has changed. I feel like we understand each other a lot better now." Their journey wasn't over, but with the tools they'd gained, they felt equipped to face whatever challenges lay ahead, together.

While couples therapy, including the Gottman approach, isn't a magic solution, it can provide couples with valuable skills and insights to strengthen their relationship. Whether dealing with minor disagreements or major conflicts, many couples find that professional guidance can help them navigate the complexities of long-term partnerships and build a more satisfying life together.

Kylie Walls is a psychologist at Curated Mind Psychology, offering online therapy for individuals and couples seeking support with relationship challenges, mental health concerns, and faith-related experiences. To learn more or book an appointment, visit Curated Mind Psychology.