Therapy for Coercive Control
Understanding Coercive Control
Relationships can be a source of joy, support, and connection. However, when control becomes a defining feature, it can create an environment of fear, confusion, and harm. If you or someone you care about is experiencing coercive control, understanding this pattern is an important first step toward healing.
What is Coercive Control
Coercive control is a pattern of abusive behaviour designed to dominate, intimidate, and restrict a person's freedom. Unlike physical violence, coercive control can be more subtle and insidious, yet deeply damaging.
Common Behaviours of Coercive Control
Coercive control can take many forms, including:
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Isolation: Restricting your contact with family, friends, or support networks.
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Monitoring: Constantly checking your phone, social media, or whereabouts.
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Gaslighting: Undermining your perception of reality, making you doubt your memories or feelings.
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Financial Control: Controlling access to money, limiting your ability to make financial decisions, or forcing financial dependence.
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Emotional Manipulation: Using guilt, fear, or shame to control your actions.
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Threats and Intimidation: Verbal abuse, threats of harm, or exploiting fears to maintain control.
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Controlling Daily Life: Dictating what you wear, eat, or where you can go.
Coercive control often builds gradually, making it difficult for victims to recognize what’s happening until they feel trapped.
The Impact of Coercive Control on Victims
Experiencing coercive control can have significant psychological, emotional, and physical effects. Victims may experience:
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Emotional Distress: Anxiety, depression, or feelings of hopelessness.
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Loss of Identity: Victims may feel they’ve lost their sense of self after constant criticism or control.
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Chronic Stress and Hypervigilance: Living in a state of heightened alertness can lead to exhaustion and burnout.
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Shame and Self-Blame: Victims may feel responsible for the abusive behaviour, believing they have caused it.
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Physical Health Effects: Headaches, digestive issues, and other stress-related symptoms are common.
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Difficulty Trusting Others: After prolonged control, victims may struggle to rebuild trust and confidence in relationships.
The long-term impact of coercive control can be profound, but recovery is possible with the right support.
Coercive Control in Christian Communities: Recognising Unhealthy Dynamics
While coercive control is most commonly studied in the context of intimate relationships, research shows that similar patterns of manipulation, intimidation, and control can emerge in other relational settings — including families, workplaces, and faith communities. In some Christian contexts, certain dynamics may unintentionally enable controlling behaviours:
Misuse of Authority: When spiritual leaders or influential members exert excessive control under the guise of guidance, individuals may feel pressured to comply out of fear, guilt, or misplaced loyalty.
Distorted Teachings on Forgiveness: Emphasizing forgiveness without accountability can leave individuals feeling obligated to tolerate harmful behaviour.
Pressure to Maintain Appearances: The desire to protect a church’s reputation or maintain unity can discourage people from speaking up about concerning behaviour.
Isolation from External Support: Encouraging disconnection from outside relationships or resources can increase vulnerability to coercion. These dynamics can leave individuals feeling powerless, confused, or spiritually conflicted about seeking help.
In some Christian contexts, strong emphasis on values such as submission, sacrifice, and unconditional forgiveness — when misunderstood or misapplied — can create an environment where controlling behaviours in intimate relationships go unnoticed or are excused. Some risk factors may include:
Misinterpreted Teachings on Submission: When submission is framed as unquestioning obedience, one partner may exert excessive control, limiting the other's independence, voice, or decision-making power.
Pressure to Maintain Appearances: In faith communities where marriage is highly valued, individuals may feel pressure to hide signs of distress or avoid seeking support for fear of judgment.
Spiritual Manipulation: Misusing Scripture or spiritual language to justify control, instill fear, or demand compliance can undermine a person’s sense of autonomy and worth. This is also known as Spiritual Abuse.
Distorted Views of Forgiveness: While forgiveness is central to Christian faith, it should not be confused with tolerating ongoing harm or neglecting personal boundaries.
Coercive control is a form of domestic violence, and can leave individuals feeling trapped, confused, and emotionally isolated. Recognising these patterns is essential to ensuring that marriages reflect mutual respect, love, and healthy partnership.
How Therapy Can Support Recovery from Coercive Control
Healing from coercive control involves rebuilding safety, self-esteem, and a sense of autonomy. Therapy can offer a vital space for this recovery.
Drawing on my research into control in relationships, I bring a deeper understanding of the emotional challenges and attachment patterns that often underlie controlling behaviors. This insight informs the therapy I provide, allowing me to tailor approaches to your unique experiences and needs.
Therapeutic Approaches That Can Help
I offer a range of evidence-based therapies designed to support recovery from coercive control and help you reclaim your well-being:
Schema Therapy: This approach explores deep-seated patterns and beliefs developed in response to past experiences. By identifying and challenging these patterns, you can develop healthier ways of relating to yourself and others.
Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT): TF-CBT provides tools to process traumatic experiences, manage distressing thoughts, and build resilience.
Trauma Processing: Working through painful memories in a safe and supportive space can help reduce the emotional burden they carry.
Exploring Difficult Experiences: Therapy offers an opportunity to reflect on your past, make sense of what you've been through, and develop greater self-understanding.
Planning for a Brighter Future: Recovery isn’t just about healing wounds—it’s about rediscovering hope, building meaningful connections, and moving forward with confidence.
Help on the Path to Healing
Recovery from coercive control is not just about understanding the past—it’s about creating a healthier, and brighter future. Therapy provides a safe, nonjudgmental space where you can explore your experiences, rebuild your sense of self, and develop stronger boundaries for future relationships.
If you are seeking support to recover from coercive control, professional help can provide guidance and tools to assist with your journey toward healing. With experience in both therapy and research, I offer compassionate, online therapy tailored to adults navigating relationship concerns, trauma recovery, and mental health challenges. My research has deepened my understanding of coercive control, attachment patterns, and emotional regulation, allowing me to provide informed, effective support. If you’re ready to begin your journey toward recovery, please reach out.
References
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Control in Intimate Relationships: An Exploration of Insecure Attachment Styles, Emotion Dysregulation, and Shame-Proneness (K. L. Walls, E. March, & J. Marrington, 2024), published in the Journal of Family Violence,
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